Sunday Supplement: The Hidden Cost of Bonfire Night

As we now know, the whole Gunpowder Plot was just a massive spin on behalf of James 1's government of the day, but we don't care, do we, because it's a good excuse to party.

But what of those forgotten victims, the leftovers, the ignored remains from the week before, when another, world wide party is over and the paraphernalia is cast aside without a second glance. I'm talking about Halloween of course, and whilst the pretend witches and wizards, ghouls and ghosties simply remove their costumes and sling them back in a plastic bag for next year, little thought is given to those that selflessly gave themsleves over to our whims, carved up and spat out.

What about the pumpkins? After all the care and attention lavished on them before the witching hour, the aftermath brings them no comfort, no fuss - left outside to the elements, they make their own way in the world, too old and deformed and rotten to be kept for next year. The only living vegetable who truly understands how a turkey really feels, only worse, because after the Boxing Day sarnies, the turkeys are, at least, consigned to waste disposal or a frozen curry.

But the pumpkins plight continues on into the following week, when they're bombarded with the whoosh, bangs, snaps and crackles of Bonfire Night. The lucky ones will be used to support rockets, or ceremoniously placed atop said bonfire. But the unlucky ones? Left to wander, the only solace they may find will be in the bonfire owner's beer supply - and with the NHS already overburdened, the cost of clearing away these forlorn and lonely creatures will fall, once again, to the tax payer.